that validating thing called love.

Think about that song, "you're nobody til somebody loves you.. you're nobody til somebody cares." How pitiful- and depressing. Yet there's something to it. A life devoid of love, of affection, of affirmation, of someone calling out in you what you were made to do... would be such nothingness.

I was at the tail end of awake last night- and the message was on inadequacy. And I started to think about how the enemy tends to target specific people groups and areas by attacking in a certain way (but not limited to). In Indonesia, for example, all over Sumatra- the chief difficulty in getting the gospel of Jesus Christ out there in all the cities I was in.. was how complicated it is. the ethnic situation is complicated, the cultural differences are complicated, the people groups are complicated... and unless you purposefully THINK in the opposite direction, you start to think that perhaps the gospel might be too complicated to tell, maybe God's love is too complicated to relay to this difficult demographic.
So I was sitting there last night, watching the response at the end of the message. All these young people getting up, and taking perhaps their first steps of boldness to ASK for more boldness. All these young people with high calls and tremendous gifting, crying out to be filled up because they have been grown up self-centered, self-serving, and really.. all of us have learned to make the gospel about us. When it isn't. Its about Christ.

If you know me now, you might be surprised to learn that though I don't currently have any boldness issues (on the contrary..sometimes I need to remember when to shut up), about 3 years ago I was 100% terrified to sing or speak in front of people. It was this thing I knew was burning in me to do, and to share, and to do WELL- but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
So at one point, some maniac let me sing on the youth group worship team. But even then I was SO scared to be heard by others, or to be heard by myself. I was quiet and shaky and fumbled over myself. But that whole experience, strange as it might seem, was largely to benefit me. I doubt anyone, if they heard me at that point, thought my voice enjoyable- let alone saw any potential in it. But God did.

And that's the cool thing. His sovereignty covers my personal inadequacy. In 2007, I was pushed into a position of leading worship.. which meant it was necessary for me to get over myself very quickly if that was going to work out. So I spent a solid 10 months in random situations with big groups and little groups, plugged and unplugged, loud and quiet settings..learning how to sing out. Really, more has happened since- but I am undeniably blessed and increasingly thankful that my God loves me fiercely out of my weakness.

So that's my point- you're nobody til somebody loves you. You come alive in the feeling and understanding of God's ferocious pursuance of your heart. We all do.
That veil was torn.


falling slowly those eyes that know me
and I can't go back
raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice
you've made it now.