I didn't get it

I didn't get it then.

If I'm to be completely honest, I feel at a loss.

I will be the absolute first one to say that I have made some foolish decisions in the past year. In many ways, I've stopped caring about being set apart, about being pure, about steering clear of compromising situations and people.

I had no idea that I hurt you.

I remember thinking you must be so far beyond me. I didn't think you cared at all about me.

I am so sorry that I hurt you.

.. I've come to realize, not that I'm excusing myself, that I've been deceived. Wow. SO deceived.

Even now I struggle with what the truth of the matter is. What is actual. What is fact. What is real?

For so long I was told by two opposite people the same horrific, manipulative, terrible things about each other. And I believed them. But... foolishly, I allowed the absence of one person to increase my perspective, and my perception of that same person.

Oh Jesus.

I honestly didn't know who to believe.

I was operating out of hurt.

I was operating out of pain.

Is this real?

I find myself being skeptical.. and rightly so. I find my heart pulling me in one direction, and my head in another. Where is your spirit?

I do not worry whether I am hearing your voice. I am. But please, Lord Jesus, be with me.

For I need you now perhaps in more desperation than ever before.

As I have never been in love with you more.

Keep me.