The Managerie

What an increasingly ridiculous, radically redeemed family I have.

I remember thinking YEARS ago how messed up my family was, and really how the same familial circumstances can produce such unique actions and reactions when filtered through each family members personality. The SAME things (basically) happened to all 5 of my siblings. And I have no idea why some of us chose rebellion on the spot, some it took a little time to rebel, some quieted down, some tried to self-medicate... all kinds of response to the same things, just filtered through individual personalities. Its a powerful thing.

Moving on..
I found my long lost older brother on facebook a couple days ago. I don't even know him anymore. I don't know that I ever did, really. For years, I haven't been able to tell you how much older than me he is.. I don't even know him that well. But facebook just told me. He's 8 years older. Makes him 29. WOW. I never knew that. Facebook knows him better than I do.
Maybe that will change. I'd like it to change.

Moving further on..
I'm so tempted to run downstairs, wake my younger brother up, and tell him how much I love him, and how proud I am that he loves Jesus more than most 18 yr old guys.
I guess I've seen it coming in a lot of ways, but still I'm floored that my brother is growing up, and MAN... growing in Jesus. He wants God. And he knows that God is in ferocious passionate pursuit of him. I'm stoked about that.
I sense a very radical leadership call on his life. I can see him speaking, preaching, delivering truth to people in a way that is poignant and relevant. He will have an effective mantle of ministry placed on his shoulders one day. So much zeal in him. And a desire to seek out, know, and proclaim truth to others.
Praise God for that!


I drank caffeine at 10:30 tonight and I feel it. My body is sleepy, but my mind is awake and jittery. Suck.

I will fight it.

Adoration

There is a light that shines within me.
There is a hope that burns inside me.
Deep with my soul, my very existence, there is a being waiting to be freed.
A child who knows no fear, pain or rejection. There is an emotion all-encompassing of excitement joyfulness, gladness, and love.
The creative potential of laughter and the undeniable power of an infant's joy live inside me.

Unmeasurable are my limits for I call you Father.
Unimaginable my potential for you have called me son.

There is someone inside of me waiting to be released- whom you embrace, whom I long to be.
There is an all-consuming fire, a light that permeates from my very being. You have unlocked me, God.
The doors you have opened no man can shut.
I will praise you for all my days, for you are good.

You have released me, God, with your love.

You are everything.

In Our Bedroom After The War

So I've found myself to be lonely lately.
I just crave company.
I crave a partner.
I want somebody to adventure with.
I love sharing myself.
I love to learn and to enjoy others.

And I love being a girl. As per a series of misfortunious events.. I've been wandering through engagement rings. There are SO many out there. So many styles, so many cuts, so many colors, settings, designs, sizes, etc.
This is probably because so many of my friends are married/getting married/newly engaged.. somehow I feel like that justifies my recent random "ring escapade."

this (above) is one I found not too long ago. It's style is "eduardian".. I don't know what that means exactly, but its beautiful. Circa 1940. Love. It.

There are so many unbelievable ones out there: I'm kind of glad I'm not really the one picking it out.

My food for thought.