Venting

I'm: hurt, angry, frustrated, confused, wary, doubting, faithful, done, spent, broke, and much, much more.

I don't even know who reads this thing, if anyone. But it makes me wonder at the thought of saying whatever I wanted, just to vent. Just to get it off my chest. I'm a verbal processor, I'm told.
But there's always having to think about hurting people's feelings and such.
I could leave names out.. but I hate when people do that. Its vague.. and makes 2+2=7 ... things don't add up correctly. :)

I could be brutally honest? ..yet I'm afraid to hurt those feelings of certain people who are the "type" (if I'm allowed to stereotype) of people who read blogs. Even I'm not one of those.

Well- I'm tired.
I got talks tonight from 2 sets of my "parents."
I learned: I've gotten irresponsible with my money, I frequently have a bad attitude, I am not enthusiastic about helping around the house, and I've lost sight of my goals. The "other" conversation taught me: I'm hurt, I should draw better relational boundaries... and I'm worth a million bucks.
^ I know, I know that that's true. But it is always good to hear.

Times like this I wish I had all the answers.
Like why if I'm so super awesome didn't the one guy I fell in love with fall for me?

I realize I've been angry about that... and rightfully so. I have good reasons. Really good reasons.
I'm forgiving. Slowly but surely.
Things just suck sometimes. I don't like it that I'm having to re adjust to allow my heart to heal. And it bothers me tremendously that he doesn't have to heal, because his heart wasn't connected as deeply as I thought it was.
I'm mad about that. Still. Because he didn't tell me when he felt like that.
And he still doesn't tell me things. Why couldn't we be straight with one another?

So now I don't have my best friend anymore. Or my boyfriend.
And there's this obnoxious lump in my throat whenever I begin to divulge about it.

Mike and Lace are fantastic to listen to me talk as frequently as I do.


So.. there's that.