If I'm to be completely honest, I feel at a loss.
I will be the absolute first one to say that I have made some foolish decisions in the past year. In many ways, I've stopped caring about being set apart, about being pure, about steering clear of compromising situations and people.
I had no idea that I hurt you.
I remember thinking you must be so far beyond me. I didn't think you cared at all about me.
I am so sorry that I hurt you.
.. I've come to realize, not that I'm excusing myself, that I've been deceived. Wow. SO deceived.
Even now I struggle with what the truth of the matter is. What is actual. What is fact. What is real?
For so long I was told by two opposite people the same horrific, manipulative, terrible things about each other. And I believed them. But... foolishly, I allowed the absence of one person to increase my perspective, and my perception of that same person.
Oh Jesus.
I honestly didn't know who to believe.
I was operating out of hurt.
I was operating out of pain.
Is this real?
I find myself being skeptical.. and rightly so. I find my heart pulling me in one direction, and my head in another. Where is your spirit?
I do not worry whether I am hearing your voice. I am. But please, Lord Jesus, be with me.
For I need you now perhaps in more desperation than ever before.
As I have never been in love with you more.
Keep me.
