After the Fact

Stepping into God's presence is mind-blowing every time for me. I think its something you choose to do. Its something that you engage in as much as it engages you.

Yesterday was in fact my first time leading worship in big church. Thats what I like to call it... "Big Church." It felt good. I felt at home. None of that nervous perspiration or stomach jitters. I feel like every time I have to do something in front of people, it sinks in a little bit more that I don't "do" anything for me or for others. If my life is about Jesus, its all about him.

And that's increasingly cool with me- because when I mess up, or make a fool of myself in front of Jesus, he loves me the same.

I. Love. Him. Too. :)

The ebb and flow of life amuses me at times.

People come and go, they ebb and flow, no one knows, where to go, from here.

^HAH! I just wrote a song.

Aaron Blackwell's excitement for Jesus BLESSES me.

Jonathan Zook's determination for the release of the Holy Spirit BLESSES me.

Sammy Samsalone's love for quality connection BLESSES me.

Sam Spargur's hugs and intentionality BLESSES me.

Barry Taylor's wisdom BLESSES me.

Nate Atwood's leadership and encouragement BLESSES me.

Laci Huddleston's zealous heart BLESSES me.

Eric Overmyer's skill as a musician BLESSES me.

Natanya Crumrine's authentic lifestyle BLESSES me.

Mary Atwood's delicacy and feminine heart BLESSES me.

Kara Hanger's desire to use strategic thinking to increase an effective life BLESSES me.

Aly, Emily, and Katie's endurance in speaking truth in difficult situations BLESSES me.

Lacy Bruner is brings sunshine into my life. She BLESSES me.

Josh Whittle is the big brother I never had. He BLESSES me.

Nate Crawford is a firecracker in the spirit. He BLESSES me.

I have a lot to be thankful for. A LOT to be thankful for.

Slow Implosion.

Hey.

I feel like there have been things piling for weeks and months. What has made itself a pile of unsolved issues, of underlying wrongs, of scraps and diddies unknowable to anyone but me.. and now the pile is piled on top of me.

Its like an emotion overload. I'm on a crash coarse.

I've said and done arguably foolish and unwise things recently. And..... I'm reaping the rotten fruit of absolutely all of it. I'm a woman, therefore, I am allowed to be emotional about it, and probably blow things out of proportion.
Sometimes I just need to cry.
I cried on the drive home tonight. The wind was cold and my tears kind of stung my face as they ran down.. Whenever I cry on the drive home I always talk to God like I'm talking to a husband who's just there. He's just there to hear me and to hold me. All I found myself coming back to was "I need you, I need you, I need you."

And tonight I'm at a standstill because... my mouth has run away with me.
I have gossiped. I talk because I'm chatty and its something I like to do. What poison can come from the lips if not thought about first! I'm sorry.. but sorry doesn't fix things.

I cannot fix things.
Everyone is far and getting further. So help me God.

whirling inspiration

Heal for the Honey from Brooke Waggoner on Vimeo.

I sat in a beautiful bar/restaurant last night and listened to this young beauty play and sing her heart out. It was so powerful, so anointed. I felt like God was speaking to each person in the room in different ways simultaneously.

That girl possesses the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

I'm called to that. She inspires me to do all I do with excellence.

Kelli sat next to me and said, "I officially have a girl crush."



I live for the sounds and gain their wisdom.
I beat on drums 'til I grow numb.
I wag my arm across acoustic strings and hear the ambiance of today.

The Managerie

What an increasingly ridiculous, radically redeemed family I have.

I remember thinking YEARS ago how messed up my family was, and really how the same familial circumstances can produce such unique actions and reactions when filtered through each family members personality. The SAME things (basically) happened to all 5 of my siblings. And I have no idea why some of us chose rebellion on the spot, some it took a little time to rebel, some quieted down, some tried to self-medicate... all kinds of response to the same things, just filtered through individual personalities. Its a powerful thing.

Moving on..
I found my long lost older brother on facebook a couple days ago. I don't even know him anymore. I don't know that I ever did, really. For years, I haven't been able to tell you how much older than me he is.. I don't even know him that well. But facebook just told me. He's 8 years older. Makes him 29. WOW. I never knew that. Facebook knows him better than I do.
Maybe that will change. I'd like it to change.

Moving further on..
I'm so tempted to run downstairs, wake my younger brother up, and tell him how much I love him, and how proud I am that he loves Jesus more than most 18 yr old guys.
I guess I've seen it coming in a lot of ways, but still I'm floored that my brother is growing up, and MAN... growing in Jesus. He wants God. And he knows that God is in ferocious passionate pursuit of him. I'm stoked about that.
I sense a very radical leadership call on his life. I can see him speaking, preaching, delivering truth to people in a way that is poignant and relevant. He will have an effective mantle of ministry placed on his shoulders one day. So much zeal in him. And a desire to seek out, know, and proclaim truth to others.
Praise God for that!


I drank caffeine at 10:30 tonight and I feel it. My body is sleepy, but my mind is awake and jittery. Suck.

I will fight it.

Adoration

There is a light that shines within me.
There is a hope that burns inside me.
Deep with my soul, my very existence, there is a being waiting to be freed.
A child who knows no fear, pain or rejection. There is an emotion all-encompassing of excitement joyfulness, gladness, and love.
The creative potential of laughter and the undeniable power of an infant's joy live inside me.

Unmeasurable are my limits for I call you Father.
Unimaginable my potential for you have called me son.

There is someone inside of me waiting to be released- whom you embrace, whom I long to be.
There is an all-consuming fire, a light that permeates from my very being. You have unlocked me, God.
The doors you have opened no man can shut.
I will praise you for all my days, for you are good.

You have released me, God, with your love.

You are everything.